Question of the Week:
Sometimes engaged couples attend premarital workshops. Workshops include Engaged Encounters (http://www.engagedencounter.org/), Preparation for Marriage Program, With This Ring, Couples That Rock, etc. Research at least 2 programs, contrast them, and explain why or why not you might choose to participate.
Want to drive? Fly an airplane? Teach classes? Adopt a dog? In order to do many any of these things, you must first prepare by reading, taking classes, and/or by practicing. How, may I ask, is marriage any different? Marriage is supposed to be a life long journey where one is constantly learning and growing. It is the most difficult and rewarding journey that you might ever encounter. So, why then, would someone not want to prepare for this “til death do you part” adventure?
Rob and I started preparing for marriage by asking couples we respected and admired what they thought were key ingredients for a successful marriage. Our next step in preparation was visiting a financial planner. Don Silk, a consultant out of Dover, NH, was amazing! He sat down with us for 2 hours and answered any and all of our questions, without any pressure to buy anything. We discussed loan repayment, individual retirement accounts, and investment planning. We greatly appreciate his time and energy!!
Our greatest investment in our marital future, however, was our Premarital Courses we took with Pastor Dick AuCoin and Martha through the Lakes Region Vineyard Church in Laconia, NH www.lakesregionvineyard.com. We did a six week course at our pastor’s home with two other engaged couples. The course is called The Marriage Preparation Course http://themarriagecourse.org/preparation/welcome/. The course was facilitated by our pastor and took place at night at a time we all chose to fit our schedules. Each couple took turns making dinner for everyone. When we arrived we would dish up and then go to separate rooms, that way we could have alone time to talk and catch up before we went to class. Then we would gather together and watch the videos. Each night had a different topic from finances, to values, to sex, to expectations. During the videos we would have question and answer sessions. All the couples were asked a question and then we’d go to separate rooms, answer the questions and then discuss it with our future spouses. One of our most eye opening questions was rating each other on various values/goals/ habits/ interests. Rob and I discovered things about each other we never knew. But the night I will never forget is the night we discussed life’s influences. Rob and I come from very different families, with very different cultures and values. As much as I would like to think that we are our own people, our parents, schools, towns, and life experiences all impact, at some level, each and every decision and feeling we have. Rob and I grew closer as we discovered how our pasts have influenced our current decision-making and our expectations for each other and for the future.
Another course that is available to engaged couples is the Catholic Engaged Encounter http://www.engagedencounter.org/. As opposed to a six week course, this is a weekend retreat where engaged couples get together and discuss their goals, expectations, and values. The weekend is led by two married couples and a priest. The couples discuss topics like ambitions, goals, attitudes about God, sex, money, children, family, and your role in the church and community. The couples discussions and answers to the questions are confidential.
Overall, I believe that the two courses are somewhat similar in the topics that they cover, which may be the case with many premarital courses. I believe the greatest differences that one may find will be 1. The way the courses are facilitated (weekend/weeklong/before and after wedding sessions) 2. The religious emphasis (whether or not it is a faith-based course and then different faith values) 3. Whether or not the courses are required before a couple is married by the priest/pastor/ or clergy. In my opinion, I believe that a marriage license should be at least equivalent to or more difficult to obtain than a driving license. As I mentioned earlier, marriages are supposed to be a life long commitment, so why would we not want to have the tools to make our journey smoother. Remember, premarital counseling is not simply for couples who need “counseling.”
Premarital counseling is a preparation, a precaution and an investment for those five little words, “til death do us part.”
